How to Introduce Someone to Bondage

It’s time to make some suggestions about introducing the idea of bondage to your significant other. Some people may think it is generally men who come up with the idea first. That is not necessarily the case. Bonnie actually teasingly suggested I tie her up to our new four-poster bed many years ago. Somehow I don’t think she had any idea that we would be where we are today.

Okay, so maybe you read something in a book, or stumbled upon a suggestive picture or two on the web. Who knows? I think both men and women have all kinds of fantasies. Certainly women have fantasies about being tied up and overpowered. Now, I know this is not a PC idea these days, but it does not change the reality. Even women who in their everyday lives espouse feminist views, and who truly believe in the absolute equality of men and women, want to be “taken” by their men and be told what to do. Yes, these women are often conflicted about their public and private thoughts, but again, this does not change the reality.

So, let’s say you are a guy who wants to introduce his wife or girlfriend to the idea of a bit of light bondage. You can be either blatant or suggestive. Likely you know your lady well enough to decide which is the best route. It could be as simple as holding her hands behind her head while she is in front of you giving you some oral pleasure. You can gauge her reaction; see if she seems to like it. If she is receptive, of course you can ask later if you could tie her wrists together with one of your ties (assuming you have one).

Another idea is buying her an outfit that could lead into something in a future adventure. Maybe some leather panties like these, or a matching collar and cuffs. Many places sell very non-threatening cuffs that are soft and even sort of “cute.” I think it goes without saying that you would never force your gal into something she doesn’t want to do; this should only and always be a consensual thing.

Another idea is a blindfold, again, a non-threatening sort like this, with a tickling feather. You can use the feather on her, and then follow up with sensual kisses and the like, hopefully driving her wild with desire.

I can tell you something that I did, a long time after Bonnie first suggested the tie-up to the four-poster. The idea of spanking greatly interested me, but I was not sure how she would react. I found a very long sex questionnaire (somewhere around 70 questions). Some of them had to do with “mild” spankings, some with public sex, and all things in between. Bonnie answered every one of the questions, some with an emphatic NO, but the spanking ones piqued her interest somewhat. She said she had never even considered or thought about it, but a mild spanking sometime (she was thinking of my hand) might be kinda sexy. The rest of that story is, as they say, history.

What if you’re a gal who wants to introduce the concept to her guy? That depends, of course, on whether you want to be the submissive or the dominant in the relationship. I will assume here you want to be the sub, but if you want to be the dom, then refer to what I said above, just change the gender.

I think most guys would be thrilled to find out you are interested in a little bondage play. You could easily ask him during the throes of passion to hold your hands down, or hold them behind your head. Tell him it really turns you on to think of him restraining you. You don’t have to bring out whips and chains the first time you suggest something. Unless, of course, you know your guy pretty well and think he’ll go for this. Assuming your ultimate goal is whips and chains!

But as I mentioned before, consensual sexual bondage covers a wide spectrum of activity, from the very mild to the VERY hardcore. There is something for everyone. Bondage can enhance virtually any couple’s sex life. Just remember that if the idea interests you, but you have no idea if your partner shares the same interest, to take it slow and easy.

Until next time,

~Clyde