Good question. We (that would be Bonnie and I) think about this every now again. Why the heck would I want to inflict pain on the woman I love? And why would she want to receive it from me? How are pain & pleasure related? My hunch is that it is a complicated question, with a variety of answers. I can only answer from our standpoint, though I will add in some “professional” comments as well.
Let me tell you, in case you haven’t read my other posts, that initially I was leery, if not downright afraid of spanking Bonnie. Well, maybe not spanking her, but anything more than that. I relied on her to tell me what she wanted—did she want it harder, want it to go on longer? I did not want to hurt her, though I realize that doesn’t make much sense.
Links below to the Stockroom are affiliate links. This means that if you click through and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission (at no additional cost to you). Thank you for your support in this way!
Bonnie at first thought the whole spanking thing was just plain weird. She loved being tied up and fucked, mind you, but when I first mentioned “mild spanking,” she wasn’t sure. But once I mentioned it, it began churning in her mind. After a while she brought it, suggesting we might try it sometime. Maybe a mild spanking when she was tied facedown on the bed, for example.
I didn’t immediately get out the ropes and go to work. No, I played it cool, and waited until I thought she would wonder if I had forgotten (I had most definitely NOT forgotten). In the meantime, though, I had purchased a slapper, something not too intimidating, but that would still leave an impression (mental or otherwise).
Since this post isn’t about our first bondage and discipline session, I won’t go into more detail about it, but I will tell you, (though I suspect you already figured this out), that Bonnie has become very attached to our disciplinary implements, as she calls them.
I have searched in vain for an explanation of why we enjoy this sort of experience. Believe it or not, BDSM was classified as a mental disorder until the 1980s. Psychologists increasingly consider it more or less “normal,” whatever that means, though many still try to explain it by blaming a person’s childhood experiences, or traumas.
Supposedly when these people grow up and experience sex, they find that one or the other roles (dominant or submissive) somehow makes up for those early problems. Maybe that’s true for some people, but it doesn’t explain us. We just like it, and we came to the “lifestyle” rather late in life. Neither of us thought we were somehow lacking, nor did we have any compelling emotional difficulties from our childhoods.
I really don’t know how we fit in the continuum of the whole subject, nor do I understand how pain and pleasure fit together. We just enjoy the hell out of bondage and discipline. I like to spank Bonnie, and she likes to be spanked. She even likes marks to stay around for a while, too. Of course we have a safe word, but she has never had to use it. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, she doesn’t enjoy other kinds of pain, like headaches, cuts, stubbing her toe, etc. Not at all. She’s completely normal in that sense.
With that background, what are some of the implements we use for the pain aspect of our bondage and discipline playtimes? I mentioned the slapper, and of course there is always my hand. But we also have a crop, a cane, a couple of paddles, some floggers,and three very special whips. Yes, whips. Bonnie really likes the whips (so do I). We even have names for them, and they all produce different sensations and marks.
And of course, I could just discipline Bonnie while she was lying on the bed, tied up. That is certainly fun, but there is something about seeing her chained up to the suspension frame, or draped over the sawhorse, God, the very thought is exciting. Or with her head and wrists through the holes in the pillory stock, her butt, back, and legs exposed, there’s just nothing like it. Yes, I do build and sell this furniture, but I do it because we use it and love it ourselves, and want others to enjoy the same kind of fun, too.
So go enjoy yourselves, and play out some of those fantasies you’ve been thinking about.
Until next time,